Epiphany

Frequently, I’m asked how I keep such a positive outlook, day in and day out. I’m not a Polly Anna by any stretch of the imagination. Rather I firmly believe if you can do something about a situation do it. If not, let it go.

I know we’ve heard these words before and from a logical perspective they make sense. Stressing has never made a situation better and it frequently makes it worse. So why are these words so hard to live by? Perhaps it’s the fight or flight instinct we all have. By being in tune to danger we can more quickly respond.

I don’t recall exactly when it happened. I know I was a fairly young child. I distinctly remember having this amazing revelation that worry was a useless emotion. It was much deeper than realizing the words. At the time it happened I knew my life was changed forever. I felt completely swept over by this insight. I can’t tell you how it happened, or how to make it happen, or even what was happening in the moment to allow it to happen. I do know from that day forth I have never worried. If I can do something I do. If not, I evaluate next steps.

The day I got the call about the brain tumor, I’m not sure what the doctor said as my brain was racing on next steps. But the doctor was a step ahead and had me hooked up with a specialist. Talking to the specialist, he let us know these tumors are always benign so we just need to get it taken care of. He called a neurologist he frequently teams with. Steps were being taken so no need to worry.

Weeks after the second surgery, the complications from the resulting facial paralysis, made themselves known. The most significant being an eye infection because I was no longer blinking. I finally landed with a specialist who makes me feel like it’s his life’s mission that I regain the vision. This specialist has been amazing. I truly believe we are doing everything we can, so no need to worry.

We have been stalling on treating the remainder of the brain tumor, as once we start the facial nerves are likely to stop regenerating. As we past the year anniversary I was thinking – I can live with it like this. My smile is a bit cock-eyed but mostly there and my right eye has figured out how to process all vision.

I had made up my mind to move forward with the treatment when I got the call about the cancer. I called my oncologist and made an appointment to plan treatment. Since a plan was in place all there was left to do that weekend was enjoy my daughter’s wedding.

Life is good and I will continue to live this philosophy of do something if I can otherwise get over it.