What Would Bea Do?

This is perhaps the greatest compliment I’ve ever received. And I’ve been fortunate to have received it several times.

Couple blogs back I’d mentioned the dad from Pakistan that uses me as an example for his son and employees. This is different, this has been from several perspectives.

I teach Action Learning team coaching to many people. Action Learning is a team coaching process that develops a team and the team members’ leadership skills while they are solving real problems. Frequently, new coaches tell me they reflect on the class and ask themselves – What would Dr. Bea do? This doesn’t surprise me as I was the one that taught them the tactics.

The other times have been in business situations when someone has been faced with the need of having a difficult conversation. In the most recent situation, my colleague was called into a project review meeting with their boss and staff. The staff spent the entire meeting complaining their team lead did too much and made them look bad. The boss, obviously, uncomfortable with the conversation, did nothing. My colleague mulled – what would Bea do? Bea would ask questions related to the outcomes and questions to identify behaviors. Questions such as – What do each of us hope to achieve as a result of this meeting? Specifically, what behaviors bother you? (Note: this needs to be specific examples not generalities.)

For example – “I don’t like it when you make me feel incompetent.” Bea would follow this with – specifically, what is the behavior that triggers this reaction for you. This might be followed by – “Like, when you give me a task to do then you just do it.” Bea would follow this with – What behavior would you like to see instead when I know the task will not be completed on time. Hopefully, this would be followed with something like – Give me a chance to do it first, tell me what the deadline is so that I know how to prioritize all my tasks.

Too often conflict conversations focus on feelings and perceptions. They quickly escalate and ultimately accomplish nothing. If we can focus the conversation on factual behaviors it’s easy to understand what is happening and what needs to change.

The other aspect of my behavior I hear folks say they want to emulate is my resilience. As I mentioned in an early blog I’m a firm believer in – if you can do something about a situation do it; if not – let it go.

People were surprised by how quickly I went back to work after my second brain surgery. The second surgery left me with significant balance issues and the left side of my face paralyzed. To say the least, I was not looking my best. Yet I went to China to speak at a conference. Instead of bemoaning my appearance I stood proud and used it as an example in my presentation. Two years later and there are still some residual effects, yet I still share my story. Hearing – “What would Bea do?” continues to create legacy moments for me.