Grammy

I just spent the most amazing week and a half with my granddaughter and her parents. I could not have ever imagined the power of my emotions: to have her face light up every morning to see me, to have her crawl into my arms to cuddle, to have her take her first steps and land in my lap, to have her infectious laugh filling the air.

I was raised to be an independent woman and raised my girls the same and it looks like my girls are doing the same for their daughters. I recall vividly the day I discovered I was pregnant with my first. My husband and I were not living together because of our jobs so opportunities for conception were few and far between.

We were able to spend Christmas together the year before our first daughter was born. After he left I couldn’t stay awake, I couldn’t sleep, nothing felt the same. I had my annual OB/GYN exam and the doctor asked if there was any chance I was pregnant, I said a chance, but I doubted it. He encouraged me to come back in 2 weeks. I did. They did a pregnancy test and told me when to call in for the results.

As I was dialing the phone, I distinctly remember thinking – ‘you know they are going to say negative and that’s ok. (We weren’t trying to have a baby, we had just stopped trying not to have a baby and would let nature take its course.) BUT, what if they say positive?’ My hand hung in the air for a minute before I pressed the final digit.

The office answered the phone and I asked for my results. POSITIVE. I clearly remember my response –‘O. Thank you.’

A short while later my husband called as he knew I was calling in for the results. His response was simply – ‘so what do we do now?’ I said – ‘ have a baby’. I encouraged him to share the news as it would make it more real. I would do the same.

The next morning I looked in the mirror, and convinced myself it was just a dream – I was just a baby, no way could I be having a baby.

As I sat down at my desk and turned on my monitor the situation became very real, the then equivalent of text messaging came up with 100 iterations of ‘pickles and ice cream’. Reality set in, in a hurry.

That weekend I went to Long Island to share the news with my parents. Although my brother had kids, my mom found it very different for her daughter to be having a child. This was similar to my internal reaction with my daughter. My external reaction was to tell her she was pregnant before she had even tested for it.

After my first was born, I was lying in recovery. And thinking this little girl needs a sister. It was more than a year later when we conceived again. All of the old-wives’ tales indicated I was having a boy. I wanted a second girl, but resigned myself to a boy, knowing I would love him with all my heart. Pretesting back then was very different, so it wasn’t until she was born we learned we had a second girl.

Her girl filling my heart with too many legacy moments to count.